World's Greatest Criminal Cat is a song.


Kittypaws: (Laughs evilly) From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper The head that made headlines in every newspaper

And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job

That cunning display that made Londoners sob

Now comes the real tour de force

Tricky and wicked, of course

My earlier crimes were fine for their times

But now that I'm at it again

An even grimmer plot has been simmering

In my great criminal brain

Thugs: Even meaner?

You mean it?

Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?

You're the best of the worst around

Oh, Kittypaws

Oh, Kittypaws

The rest fall behind

To Kittypaws

To Kittypaws

The world's greatest criminal mind!

(Song temporarily pauses)

Kittypaws: (Playing harp) Thank you, thank you... but it hasn't all been champaigne and caviar. I've had my share of adversity thanks to that miserable, second-rate detective, Basil of Baker Street!

Thugs: (Various boos)

Kittypaws: (Overly dramatic) For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans! I haven't had a moment's peace of mind.

Thugs: (Various sympathetic aws)

Bartholomew: (Cries)

Kittypaws: (Tone becomes hostile) But all that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even Coal can stand in my way! (Thugs bow to him) All will bow before me!

(Song resumes)

Thugs: Oh, Kittypaws

Oh, Kittypaws

You're tops and that's that

To Kittypaws

To Kittypaws

Bartholomew: (Clearly drunk) To Kittypaws, the world's greatest cat! (Hiccups)

(Song temporarily stops)

Kittypaws: (Spits out drink in shock)

Thugs: (Gasp)

Kittypaws: What was THAT!?

Bartholomew: (Hiccups)

Kittypaws: What did you call me?

Bartholomew: (Opens mouth to say something)

Thug #1: Oh, he didn't mean it, Professor!

Yoshi: It was just a slip of the tongue!

Kittypaws: (Angrily) I am NOT a leopard!

Thug #2: 'Course you're not! You're a cat!

Thug #1: Yeah, that's right; right, a cat!

Bill the Lizard: Yeah, a big mouse!

Kittypaws: SILENCE! (Throws Bartholomew outside; speaks in dramatic tone) Oh, my dear Bartholomew, I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me. (Tone becomes hostile; pulls bell out of pocket) You know what happens when someone upsets me... (Rings bell)

Thugs: (Cries of shock as death bell rings)

Felicia: (Steps into room; walks towards Bartholomew)

Bartholomew: (Unaware he's about to die; begins singing) Oh, Ratigan

Oh, Kittypaws

You're the tops and that's that.

(Hiccups; speaking) Oh, dear

(Resumes singing) To Kittypaws

To Kittypaws

Thugs: (Cries of fear)

Purry: (Has been grabbed by Milo, but is still unaware) To Kittypaws

The world's greatest... (gets eaten)

Milo: (hisses)

Thugs: (Mourn fall of their friend)

Kittypaws: (Lovingly) Oh, Felicia, my precious, my baby. Did Daddy's little honey-bun enjoy her tasty treat?

Milo: (Belches)

Ratigan: (Evil smile turns into frown; walks back inside) I trust there shall be no further interruptions. And now, as you were singing...?

Thugs: (Hesitate to singing until Ratigan pulls his bell back out)

(Song resumes)

Thugs: Even louder

Lets shout it!

No one can doubt what we know you can do

You're more evil than even you

Oh, Kittypaws

Oh, Kittypaws

You're one of a kind

To Kittypaws

To Kittypaws

The world's greatest criminal mind!